Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters
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Parenting without fear : letting go of worry and focusing on what really matters, Paul J. Donahue
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How to Stop Worrying - 13 Practical Steps
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Parenting Without Fear
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Parents everywhere praise their kids when they do well in school, win a ball game, or build an impressive sandcastle, anything that seems to be something remarkable -- and, in many cases, anything that's just plain old vanilla. We've gone to the opposite extreme of a few decades ago when parents tended to be more-strict.
And now we overpraise our children. By giving kids heaping portions of praise, parents think they're building their children's confidence and sense of self, when, in fact, it may be just the opposite. Too much praise can backfire, it seems, and, when given in a way that's insincere, make kids afraid to try new things or take a risk for fear of not being able to stay on top where their parent's praise has put them. Still, don't go too far in the other direction. Not giving enough praise can be just as damaging as giving too much. Kids will feel like they're not good enough or that you don't care and, as a result, may see no point in stretching themselves for their accomplishments.
So, what is the right amount of praise? Experts say that the quality of praise is more important than the quantity. If praise is sincere and genuine and focused on the effort not the outcome, you can give it as often as your child does something that warrants a verbal reward. Your son may not be the best basketball player on his team, Donahue says.
But if he's out there every day, shooting baskets, running drills, and playing hard, you should praise his effort regardless of whether his team wins or loses because it's above and beyond the norm. Praising the effort and not the outcome can also mean recognizing your child when she has worked hard to clean the yard, cook dinner, or complete a history assignment, Donahue says. But whatever the scenario, praise should be given on a case-by-case basis and be proportionate to the amount of elbow grease your child put into it. Here are some real-life examples from the experts that demonstrate the praise fitting the accomplishment:.
If a child strikes out a few times during a ball game and then finally gets on base with a good ground ball up the middle, he deserves praise. You should praise his resilience and his willingness to push through when the going got tough. If your child is usually a responsible student who consistently does well in math, for example, you can recognize her good study habits, but don't go overboard every night when she sits down to hit the books if that's her normal routine. Give your praise when your child has done something special that's out of the ordinary.
When your daughter practices for weeks and finally learns to ride a two-wheel bicycle, give her praise for sticking with it.
Parenting Without Fear: Letting Go of Worry and Focusing on What Really Matters
When your son jumps on an amusement ride, you can tell him he is brave and adventuresome, but don't overdo it with the praise since he's not really working hard -- he's having fun. When your child does make that special effort that deserves praise, you can certainly dish it out as you see fit.
But one no-no that experts agree should be avoided at all costs is praising with cold, hard cash. While offering your kids cash incentives isn't a smart idea, you should embrace opportunities to celebrate their hard work and achievements. Praising your kids is an important part of building their self-esteem and confidence. But before you break out in applause, there are some important dos and don'ts to keep in mind that will help your child find value in your words of encouragement:. Be specific. Perusall turns often-skipped solitary reading assignments into engaging collective activities students don't want to miss.
Students collectively annotate each reading — asking questions, responding to each other's questions, or sharing other perspectives or knowledge. Perusall's novel data analytics automatically grade these annotations to ensure that students complete the reading, and as an instructor, you get a classroom of fully prepared students every time. Perusall provides you with a simple "confusion report" that summarizes areas your students misunderstood, disagreed with each other about, or were most engaged with — along with examples of the best annotations, so you can call out specific questions or individuals in class.
Perusall encourages students to continue the conversation about the text even after they log off; when other students answer their questions, Perusall sends them an email summary, with the ability to respond without leaving their email client or smartphone. There is no cost to use Perusall beyond the cost of purchasing the book. Note: Students must purchase through Perusall to access the book in Perusall.
Students can purchase online using a credit card, or your university's bookstore can order access codes from Perusall for students to purchase at the bookstore. Learn more. Donahue: Build in "Alone Time" for your children minutes a day.
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Independence and Imagination Give kids 2 or 3 chores to do at home. Perseverance and Cooperation Leave at least one or two days a week with no scheduled activities: "hang-out Fridays. Mindfulness and Cooperation Find one way your children can reach out and help others.