A Girls Job is Never Done (Pleasurable Perils Book 1)

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Feb 03, Jilly rated it it was amazing Shelves: historical-fiction , romance. It started off a little choppy and strange. However, it gets good after that and I forgot that I wasn't too sure about it at first. Colin, our hero, narrowly escapes being hanged for a murder he didn't commit in a daring rescue by Madeline - a woman he has never met.

And, then someone turns around and tries to murder her for some reason. This begins our journey where these two are tryi E. This begins our journey where these two are trying to figure out who framed him and tried to kill her. And, it was hilarious and epic. See, Colin is a notorious, but lovable scoundrel. There is even a song going around that praises his many escapades and he has become somewhat of a legend.

Even though the army and most of the city is looking to recapture him, he finds that most of the people they run across become a little starstruck by him and would rather join his fan club than turn him in. Madeline is a pragmatic mercenary. She is determined NOT to let Colin charm her. She just wants the money she was promised for rescuing him. And, maybe to find out who is trying to kill her.

They take a crazy journey from one clue to another to try and figure things out. And, the people they meet up with are usually pretty colorful. One lady that Colin knew, Lady Malmsey, is trying to help them, while having an affair with her footman, when one of her maids tries to enter the room. The answer?

Three people hiding in a closet and the Lady ordering a lunch large enough to feed a small village. The whole exchange was super funny. Colin: "Did you go to my hanging? Madeline took a little more time to grow on me, but I really liked her in the end. She had enough dry humor and sarcasm to win me over.

Her dealing with an apothecary who assumed they came in for some ye old viagra was awesome. Madeline: "But what if his - it's - just a wee tiny tadpole to begin with? Aww, poor Colin! That's gotta hurt! The whole book was a fun adventure with a lot of laughs. And, the good news is that Colin's family is huge, so we get to look forward to all of their love stories to come.

The writing is crisp, the story is fast-paced, the romance is subtle, the tension palpable, the whodunnit surprising, the ending satisfying We should all read it. I think I'm gonna read this again. Right now. View all 29 comments. I wont review the plot as so many have already, but I will add that I too thought this was a wonderful historical romance - one of the best in this great series. The hero and heroine make this story come alive, as both are filled with humor and passion that compliment each other so well.

The writing is wonderful and it kept me enthralled while never taking unnecessary or unbelievable turns in the story. You can feel these two slowly fall in love, and when they finally come together it is a smoki I wont review the plot as so many have already, but I will add that I too thought this was a wonderful historical romance - one of the best in this great series. You can feel these two slowly fall in love, and when they finally come together it is a smoking hot moment.

One thing JAL is great at is building a believable and beautiful relationship with her hero and heroine before the 'consummation', and then delivering a very emotional and powerful and heated! JAL writing is top notch in this novel. Loved it just as much the second time through. Apr 02, Zeek rated it liked it Shelves: romance , hist-rom. A slightly different historical romance, I found Perils of Pleasure piqued my interest, but not enough to keep me fully engaged.

The hero of the book, Colin Eversea, is sentenced to death after being accused of murder. But thanks to our clever, eccentric heroine, Madeleine Greenway, he narrowly escapes his punishment. But it's out of the frying pan into the fire for Colin Eversea as the person who hired Madeleine to rescue Colin decides to tie up loose ends by having her killed. Now on the run, Co A slightly different historical romance, I found Perils of Pleasure piqued my interest, but not enough to keep me fully engaged.

Now on the run, Colin and Mad attempt to solve the mystery of who framed the happy-go-lucky Eversea and stay alive to tell the tale. The plotting of this novel is convoluted- and the revelation of the actual framer to Colin's framee even more so- but I did like the mystery of it. Unfortunately, Madeleine was a little too stand-offish for me to get a grip on and Colin a little too jovial for my tastes. I'm sorry, I'm one of those weirdos who still enjoys the brooding, intense hero with a more self effacing sense of humor than a merry one.

Another thing that sorta bugged me- through most of the book the author did as I did above. The hero was not Colin through much of this tale- he was Colin Eversea. Like some sorta of 19th century diddy, his name is repeated over and over like a savant who cannot follow one up without the other. Kind of cute What I did enjoy about these two? Mad is no shrinking violet nor is she an innocent virgin and Colin exhibits some growth by the end of the novel by giving up a childish dream in a decidedly grown up manner.

For those of you who dig historical romance I highly recommend this one- simply because it's a so different from the rest of the pack.

The cruellest cut

But for me? Where have all the alphas gone, dagnabit?! View 2 comments. Feb 20, Becca rated it it was ok. This was not my cup of tea. I'm glad I read it since it's the first in a very popular series, but wow, I did not enjoy the journey. Some may consider this story an adventure, but I just looked at it as a grimy, convoluted mystery I couldn't wait to be done with.

I know this is harsh, and it's really a shame because I have loved some of JAL's books in the past, but this one just wasn't it. Colin and like some tic was referred to as Colin Eversea through the entire novel and Madeleine had a uniqu This was not my cup of tea. Colin and like some tic was referred to as Colin Eversea through the entire novel and Madeleine had a unique alliance brought on by dire circumstances and as they endure danger, lack of hygiene, unsavory characters, and hardship, they are pulled together.

Because there were so many threads, I felt like I did not know the characters well at all. I still don't understand Madeleine's past life and I still don't understand how Colin got past his previous love. It was odd I just felt disconnected from it all. I could feel their attraction and need for each other, but I couldn't understand their love. I didn't know Madeleine at all or understand what motivated her. I didn't understand Colin or why he suddenly moved on from Louisa. The mystery was odd. This book was not romantic.

I don't know. I just didn't get the story. But hey, now I've read the first of the series so I can enjoy some of the goodies in here. I've got to get ahead so I can read Lyon and Olivia's story when it comes out later this year! View all 20 comments. This book is difficult to review because it is so, so good and yet sooooo hard to love. First of all, I adore JAL's writing style and look forward to reading anything she writes- even something considered to be kind of a stinker Since the Surrender?

I love her voice, her turns of phrase, her wry humor and her intelligence. T This book is difficult to review because it is so, so good and yet sooooo hard to love. They don't trust each other and are thus revealed only bit by bit as they also unravel the mystery of Colin's wrongful conviction.

Of course, they ultimately redeem one another and its all very nice, but the story is not gripping or fast paced. It's like having front row seats to a really, really good chess match?! It's often internal from a few different pov's , mental, psychological and nuanced.

I may have to re-read it in light of knowing the characters a little better and to re-experience the wonderful writing. I may even find the adventure and mystery more compelling the second time around. Long currently holds the record in my kindle. I re-read them a few moments ago to make sure none were throwaways, but nary of one could be tossed.

From the simplest, "Good God. She was Wellington with eyelashes. Sign language for: You. He rolled the blanket to make a pillow long enough for the two of them to share without sleeping right on top of each other, and then gave it a little pat and made an exaggerated For you, my lady flourish with his hands. Something I loved about this heroine: She didn't care if the hero liked her or not. If you think about it, that never happens and I admired it.

The man would —he would— Colin Eversea was going to drive her mad with these his questions. And his pole was…oh…about twice the size of yours. Making a joke at my expense! How very unlike you. His face brilliant with delight. It was impossible not to smile. He turned back around again and walked steadily onward a little ahead of her. But apparently pole comparisons worked to quiet Colin for a little while.

For a very little while. Nov 24, Sam AMNReader rated it liked it Shelves: historical , read-in , series , scribd , great-heroine , library , forced-proximity , 3s-are-the-weirdest-rating. I enjoyed both the humor and the adventure in this book. I thought the chemistry between Colin and Madeline was clear from the beginning and really well done.

I was worried, though, that it would never feel like intimacy.


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I really loved Madeline, with her prickly no nonsense yet challenging manner. Colin's charm and humor were fun, and made it easy to see where he'd weasel his way in through her defenses. And even though I'm not giving this some spectac I enjoyed both the humor and the adventure in this book. And even though I'm not giving this some spectacular rating-I can see reading this again. There's lovely dialogue and writing as is usual for JAL, and some hotter than sin sex scenes and sexual tension.

The thing that holds me back from a 4 here is that it definitely drags at points, and the plotting results in a lot at once at the end. I guess I'm not sure I hated that, but I might have liked it better if that hasn't felt so rushed. View all 9 comments. Jun 23, Mimi Smith rated it really liked it Shelves: historical-romance. A veritable daredevil.

A complex, brilliant, unique man. At this moment though his to-do list is pretty basic: 1 Don't get hanged. For Chrissake the man fell on his own knife! Failing to this would, again, jeopardize 1 4 Stop the wedding of his brother and the sainted Louisa, the woman he was meant to marry 5 Get under Madeleine the Mercenary and Rescuer's skin. Maddening, fascinating, determined, gun-carrying woman! The Mercenary Madeleine Greenway is far from naive.

She's a widow and extremely smart woman. She always keeps a cool head and does her job. But, now The man is too damn charming and volatile to breathe. And Yours Truly This book is just so fun! The problem with a lot of historicals is that they are too similar, they just blend in the crowd. There's only so many ways a duke can fall for a spinster. This one is different and memorable. You have a feud that started because of a stolen sheep, a dashing hero in jeopardy because he was in the presence of a man who fell on his own knife, an extremely capable and different heroine who rescued the hero, and LOTS and lots of humor, romance and passion!

All in all, a great read! All I need to do now is: 1 Find and read the other books in the series! Quotes "That did it. He was incorrigible, a beast, a man who obviously excelled at tormenting women. She laughed. It was about tragedy and death. Then again, all Irish songs were about tragedy and death, in his experience. View all 3 comments. A few years after reading the rest of the series out of order, I finally get to read the first book of this very worthy quintessential HR series. I left it this long, because I was worried it would be a disappointment compared to the other books.

Well, I'm glad to say, it's no disappointment at all. The writing is great, the humour frequent, the quirky and richly drawn secondary characters - they're all there, all the usual trademarks of a JAL book. It definitely is not the worst book in 3. It definitely is not the worst book in the series, but not as brilliant and emotionally involving as the later books either.

The living legend of the larger-than-life Colin Eversea features often in the broadsheets usually under scandalous circumstances - climbing down from the balcony of Lady So -And-So, engaging in duels, betting and gambling outrageously. His good looks and quick witted charms always managed to get him out of trouble and if they didn't his powerful family name would. That is until he's accused of killing a man, a member of the Redmond family who has been feuding his own for centuries. Shackled in Newgate and facing his execution, he gets kidnapped mere seconds from his own hanging - once again thrilling the people of England albeit involuntarily and adding a another verse or two to his popular ballad.

The enigmatic Mrs Madeleine Greenway has made a name for herself since the death of her husband and baby as the go-to person to get seemingly impossible things done. Her latest task, saving Colin Eversea's neck, is hopefully her final mission and promises enough money for her departure to a new future in America. Little does she know that whisking Colin away from the noose did not signal the end of her challenges but the start, as she and Colin evades an attempt on her life, a multitude of soldiers, body snatchers, enthusiastic citizens motivated by the generous reward money for Colin's recapture and enamoured male and female groupies keen to acquaint themselves with the infamous Colin Eversea.

All this while trying to solve the mystery of who set him up for murder and dealing with the growing attraction between them. My main criticisms of the book is that Madeleine is too enigmatic. I didn't really get where she got to be so skillful and efficient in carrying out her missions, and in fact, there was not much expansion on her background, how she managed to sound and carry herself like a refined lady. Considering, JAL's general attention to detail to the main running plot of the series, this deficiency was a bit of a disappointment. Madeleine remained too cool and too detached and I just didn't feel the supposed love between them.

Colin, although a charming and witty larrikin, was just too irreverent. It was also annoying that he kept reminding himself and Madeleine of his attachment to Louisa, the declared love of his life and his intended wife, although his devotion to Louisa didn't stop him from sharing the love around with various ladies over the years. I also didn't get how his family can turn their attention from his execution to his brother's planned wedding the very next week, not too perturbed by whether he lives or dies.

Noone in his supposedly loving and close family really went looking for him except Marcus, the man who wasted no time getting engaged to Louisa as soon as Colin was out of the picture. And he never had a proper bath the whole book after spending a few months in Newgate! What does it mean to age well? Segal , now in her 60s, is a socialist feminist and anniversary professor of psychology and gender studies at Birkbeck College, University of London.

For the past 30 years, she has fearlessly taken on some of the loopier ideas of feminism and contributed significantly to a more optimistic agenda for sexual politics. In books such as Is the Future Female? Social conditioning is, obviously, particularly potent when it comes to the business of growing old. And here is Segal's first challenge. Whom does she define as old? At what point does an individual cease being surprised at the wrinkled, chipmunked face in the mirror and begin the period of critical self-reflection that surely must be one of the perks of ageing?

What's certain is that the number of years that have passed is no guide in itself; as the writer Penelope Lively says in Moon Tiger : "Chronology irritates me. Madonna wearily refuses to age, while women are now bearing children in a decade when their mothers were ploughing through the menopause. Old age for Dante began at 45; for Hippocrates, it meant the 50s.

Now, 10 million Britons are over 65 and soon centurions will be the norm. How we age is influenced by society's attitudes and currently "youthism" reigns, but it is also dictated by events in the shape of disease, desertion and unexpected isolation and deprivation. Evan was poised to win. Well, I know I looked at the website for the trivia night, and I saw some Star Wars references and things. But you know, I've got my weaknesses in certain areas. The night of the man date arrives, and I hear nothing from Chris or Evan.

Not a text, not an email. The next morning, still nothing. I finally talked to Chris that afternoon about how the night went. Being the eager one, he'd gotten to the bar first. I got there, and I was going table to table, asking if we could sit down. And every single person said no. It reminded me of elementary school, where you're going table to table asking if you can sit.

All of the cool kids are saying no. I mean, that's kind of what it felt like. I really felt like I was already in the hole before Evan even arrived. He told me that he was going to be wearing a purple shirt and yellow shoes, and he was going to be limping slightly because he had a stubbed toe. So I got there a little bit early. I ordered a drink right away.

And I saw him stride up to the first white dude with a blue shirt sitting near the stage and just go introduce himself, and it wasn't me. And as soon as I saw it, I said, this is my guy. And then he sat down, and then the first thing he did was order a lemonade. And I thought, oh no. This is going to be bad. So I said, we need a team name. What do you want? And he just ripped off. He said, we're the Lonely Transplants. And I said, all right. And I thought that was a little on the nose.

I mean, it was a little briefer than "Two dudes, one from New York, one from California, both of whom can't find any friends, blah, blah, blah. Chris was impressed. There was a whole category about directors. They would show us clips, and we would have to guess what the movie was. And he was getting those left and right. And I honestly sat there. I sat there for entire rounds without doing anything. The Lonely Transplants did not turn out to be the quick-fire, mind-melded dream team that I had hoped for. There was one where the answer was a loofah, like a bath loofah. It's an organic substance that you have to microwave once a day so it cleans out the bacteria.

And for whatever reason, I thought it was a sea cucumber. And he's like, no, it's a loofah.

Out of Time: The Pleasures and the Perils of Ageing, by Lynne Segal – review

And I was like, no, I promise it's a sea cucumber. And if it's wrong, I will leave. Chris says Evan didn't actually force him to leave or hold it over his head that he wasn't pulling his weight. Chris took that to mean that things were going well between them. The Lonely Transplants came in 19th out of about 30 teams. But their meager showing didn't matter to Chris. This is a guy who had told me that he was missing spontaneity in his life, that his everyday felt scheduled around work and running errands and toddler parties. He was feeling like there were no surprises left. Suddenly, here he was trying to remember who recorded "Rock Me Amadeus" with this sort of awkward, sort of dapper black dude from Brooklyn.

And he knew it was by Falco. I had forgotten it was by Falco, and I didn't write down Falco. It was cool. Evan is a cool dude. And yeah, I think if there was an opportunity to meet someone like him out in the, quote-unquote, real world, I think I would have gone home, just floated on air, telling my wife about how excited I was for a potential new friend.

But at the end of the night, the trivia host came over to talk to Chris and Evan. And something happened that left Chris feeling yet again a little inadequate. Evan and the quizmasters went on this long riff about Star Wars and then Star Trek and the Death of Spock , and how that had a relation to men's feelings and loss. And I'm sure I saw those movies, but I was just nodding like an idiot. And it was at that moment where I thought, oh man.

I got nothing. Why would you need to microwave a sea cucumber to remove bacteria? That would just kill the sea cucumber. And what are you using a sea cucumber to wash anyway? Are we talking about the quiz part? Or are we talking about the making-a-friend part? Yeah, general impressions, I think it well. I definitely thought it was more fun than I was anticipating it to be. I can definitely see myself hanging out with him again. This was confusing to me, because the entire time that I talked to Evan he just didn't say that much about Chris or how he himself felt about the date.

If he had any impressions of Chris, he didn't let on. The only thing Evan got passionate about, and I should have expected this, was when I asked him to revisit the impromptu Star Trek conversation he had with the hosts at the end of the night. I love Wrath of Khan. And the friendship between Kirk and Spock has been a thing that I've always loved in science fiction pop culture. Kirk represented the brash, impulsive, seat of your pants mode of living that I never really pulled off. And Spock, he didn't fit in. And his emotions were not readily accessible to him. And his primary identifier was his intelligence, which is something I felt deeply.

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Kirk and Spock were opposites thrown together under extreme circumstances and multiple alien encounters, who came to a level of mutual respect and admiration that spanned a galaxy and several franchise reboots. They were friends for decades who were willing to die for each other. By these standards, Chris and Evan's man date was not a rousing success. But I'm more of a romantic comedy buff than a Star Trek fan. And rom-coms, for the most part, are only about the beginnings of relationships. By those standards, you just have to establish that first connection. All you really need are two people who both kind of want to meet someone and a powerful external force to bring them together, like a best friend's impending wedding or a forced road trip together or, say, a radio producer just trying to satisfy his own curiosity.

I would love to hang out with Evan again. I thought he was a really cool guy. Would you consider calling Chris at some point or hanging out with him again? Yeah, totally. I was planning after I spoke to you-- I didn't want to muck up the process by emailing him prematurely. But yeah, I was planning to follow up and email him.

It's been three weeks since their date. Chris and Evan still haven't gotten together again. But Evan finally gave Chris his number, and they've been emailing back and forth about plans. I think it'll happen. Hell, I'd do it. The song stylings of Leonard Nimoy. Coming up, you meet your hero. And maybe they're a jerk, maybe they're just OK, maybe they're wonderful. Why that third scenario might be the very, very worst. In a minute, when our program continues. It's This American Life. Each week on our program, we choose a theme. Today's show, "The Perils of Intimacy," stories of what exactly can go wrong, big and small, when you get close to somebody.

We've arrived at Act Three of our show. It can be so awkward meeting one of your heroes. I swear, there should be, like, a separate word for the phenomenon, for the specific problem of what in the world do you say or talk about that is going to live up to everything you know and feel about them. Kyle Mizono is a comedian, and she faced this problem herself with a man who, in this story, she just refers to as Hero. One of the first jobs I got out of college was assisting on a video being made by a big hero of mine.

My friend got me the job because she thought this would be a really fun thing for me to do. But I just thought, this is the worst thing ever, because I don't know if you can just tell by my energy, but I'm really bad at meeting most people. And this was meeting one of my heroes. And I've had so many awkward, horrible interactions that at a certain point, you just realize, maybe I shouldn't speak.

I took the job. But I had a plan. I was like, I'm going to ignore my hero. He's not even going to know I'm there. So I get there and immediately realize that this is a very small shoot. And there are only, like, seven people there. And one of the first people to introduce themselves to me was my hero. He was like, hi. I'm your hero. What's your name? And I just thought, this is the worst day ever! And it keeps happening, because he's this really nice guy. He'd pass by and he'd be like, are you having fun? How's it going? And I just wanted to say to him, like, why are you doing this to me?

But I made it through the day without speaking to him. They were so impressed with me. The producer was like, hey, we have another job. Why don't you drive your hero to and from another shoot. It's, like, an hour outside of LA. And like, I couldn't say no. I wanted to say to this producer person, I can't handle this. I'm a danger to this man. But I said, OK. And now all these thoughts are going through my head. And I was like, there's just definitely going to be a moment where he shares something about himself, and I'm going to be like, I already know that.

Because I know everything about you. So we're in the car, and it's really hard to avoid someone who's in your car. But a strange thing happened. It was that I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I'd feel, because he was just being so open and nice. I started sharing things. And I told him that he was one of the reasons why I had started doing comedy, and I was this aspiring comedian, and it was just so cool to work with him. And as I was dropping him off, he said, I'd love to see you perform sometime.

And he was probably being polite, but you've got to imagine being younger. It was just the most magical, exciting thing ever. And so a week later, I set about-- I went about composing just the perfect email to invite him to a show. And the great thing about email is that you don't have to send anything immediately. You can draft things. You can really take your time and make sure it's right.

And that's what I did. I made all these drafts.

The perils of pleasure

I made sure all the info was there about the event. And I made sure the grammar was right and the spacing. And I even made sure I sounded like a fun person, you know? Like, I sounded-- you read it, and you were like, that girl's fun. And I never heard back. But it didn't even matter, because I was like, he's just busy. He's this busy guy. And also I just felt like I had made this really good impression. And that was five years ago. And I kept doing comedy. And I was on Gmail very recently.

And something that I like to do-- so I was just nostalgically looking at old emails I had sent. It's just this weird thing I like to do, because occasionally I'll see a fun one and I'll forward it to a friend and be like, remember when I said that? So I was doing that. And I scrolled way down. And I stumbled upon the very email that I had written to my hero five years ago. If not, it's every month, so there's always a next time. Also, the shoot turned out awesome. That was sent at And then underneath that, I found another one sent at It's within the same minute.

And then I found another one underneath that. Sent at I had confused saving with sending, and my comedy hero received all of my drafts. And then I added, "Also, the shoot turned out awesome. It's again. Now I just added the time. Now, it's , and I just added, parentheses, doors at PM. You know, just in case he wants to come early when the doors open. And then this big time gap happens. Now it's And I say, "Dear hero, hol. And then at , I send it off. But of course in my style, I send it off twice. I can't believe I did that.

And if I had known about this, I don't know if I would be standing here in front of you tonight. It would have been too embarrassing to do anything in comedy, ever, after doing this sort of thing to my comedy hero. And I also don't think I would be here tonight, because I would be in a nut house, just rocking back and forth, saying, "Also, the shoot turned out awesome! Also, the shoot turned out awesome! Thank you so much. Act Four, "Break It Down. This is one of my favorite short stories. It's by Lydia Davis. It's read first by actor Matt Malloy.

Warning to listeners, this story does acknowledge that people have sex. He's sitting there, staring at a piece of paper in front of him. He's trying to break it down. He says, I'm breaking it all down. And after that, there was more for the hotel and food and so on, for just 10 days. And we made love, say, once a day. And each time, it lasted maybe two or three hours. Though, of course, that wasn't all that went on, because we were together almost all day long. So that means she would keep looking at me.

And every time she looked at me, that was worth something. And she smiled at me and didn't stop talking and singing. Something I said, she would sail into it, a snatch, for me. She would be gone from me, a little ways, but smiling too. And tell me jokes. I loved it. I didn't exactly know what to do about it. Just smiled back at her and felt slow next to her, just not quick enough.

So she talked and touched me on the shoulder and the arm. She kept touching and stayed close to me. You're with each other all day long, and it keeps happening, the touches and smiles. And it adds up. It builds up. And you know where you'll be that night. You're talking, and every now and then you think about it. No, you don't think. You just feel it as kind of a destination, what's coming up after you leave wherever you are all evening.

Girls Who Got Distracted on Job

And you're happy about it. And you're planning it all. Not in your head, really.


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  • Somewhere inside your body, or all through your body, it's all mounting up and coming together so that when you get in bed, you can't help it. It's a real performance. It all pours out, but slowly. You go easy until you can't anymore. Or you hold back the whole time. You hold back and touch the edges of everything. You edge around until you have to plunge in and finish it off. And when you're finished, you're too weak to stand. But after a while, you have to go to the bathroom and you stand.

    Your legs are trembling. You hold on to the door frames. There's a little light coming in through the window. You can see your way in and out, but you can't really see the bed. You don't miss a thing, not a thing of what's going on next to you-- her leg, her arm, her shoulder, her face, that good skin. I've felt other good skin, but this skin is just the edge of something else. And you're going to start going. I mean, no matter how much you crawl all over each other, it won't be enough. And when your hunger dies down a little bit, then you start to think about how much you love her. And then that starts you off again.

    And her face, and you look over to her face and you can't believe how you got there and how lucky. And it's all still a surprise, and it never stops. I mean, even after it's over, it never stops being a surprise. It's more like you have a good 16 or 18 hours a day of this going on. Even when you're not with her, it's still going on. I mean, it's good to be away from her because it's going to be so good to get back to her. You know, it's still there in you.

    And you can't go off and look at some old street or some old painting without feeling it in your body and a few things that happened the day before that don't mean much by themselves, or wouldn't mean much if you weren't having this thing together, but you can't forget. And it's all inside of you all the time. But it isn't over when it ends. I mean, it goes on after it's all over. She's still inside you, like a sweet liqueur. You're filled with her.

    Female masturbation and the perils of pleasure

    Everything about her has kind of bled into you-- her voice, her smell, the way her body moves. It's all inside of you, at least for a while after. Then you begin to lose it. And I'm beginning to lose it. You're afraid of how weak you are, that you can't get her all back into you again, and now the whole thing is going to be out of your body, and it's more in your mind than in your body. And the pictures come to you, one by one, and you look at them.

    Some of them last longer than others. The pictures come to you, and you have to hope they won't lose their life too fast and dry up, though you know they will, and that you'll also forget some of what happened, because already you're turning up little things that you nearly forgot. We were in bed, and she asked me, do I seem fat to you? And I was surprised, because she didn't seem to worry about herself at all in that way. And I guess I was reading into it that she did worry about herself. So I answered what I was thinking and said stupidly that she had a very beautiful body, that her body was perfect.

    And I really meant it as an answer, but she said kind of sharply, that's not what I asked. And so I had to try to answer her again exactly what she had asked.

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    And once she lay over against me late at night, and she started talking, her breath in my ear, and she just went on and on and talked faster and faster. She couldn't stop. And I loved it. I just felt that all that life in her was running into me too. I had so little life in me. Her life, her fire was coming into me in that hot breath in my ear.